OBSESSED

I felt compelled to write this.

Obsessed

Recently, I have been discussing OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) with friends and family—we recognize the disorder in most of our personalities. Since I now have a blog site, I felt compelled to write an essay inspired by an article written years ago by Edward Dolnick on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder—I don’t remember the title of the article, but it had to do with a patient, Joshua Brown and his OCD nightmare.

But seriously, it is especially interesting to me because I think that I personally do some obsessive-compulsive-type things. It is mentioned in the article that "counting" is a compulsion that "turns up again and again". I am a compulsive counter, as is, it turns out, my daughter, Heidi—I am also a compulsive comma user, using them as often as I can work them in. Anyway, I have counted things for as long as I can remember. In my early years the compulsion to count may have been more severe. I do not suppose that my compulsion rivaled that of 'The Count', of 'Sesame Street' fame, but it was fairly substantial. I would find myself counting various things at school and at home; books, desks, tables, chairs, furniture legs and people, to name a few. The fact that I might have already counted some things and was convinced of their exact quantity would not keep me from reestablishing the fact by counting them again. I do not know how many times I have counted my own fingers. Of course, if I were seriously obsessive-compulsive, I might well know. Maybe I should have kept track.

About twenty some years ago, I heard from a friend of mine that his brother had been diagnosed as having a mental disorder called "Obsessive-Compulsive." The more I heard of his brother's odd behavior, the more intrigued I became with this mental disorder. I started reading about the disorder and asking questions about it from friends of mine in the mental health field. Of course Dolnick's article was not the first time that I learned that counting was a compulsive behavior. I realized early on that I was compulsive in that regard and I was a long-time 'nail chewer.' I also recognize that I had obsessive thoughts as a child. I would often imagine myself running on the desktops or swinging from the lights in my classrooms. Happily, for my parents and myself, I never felt compelled to act on those particular obsessive thoughts.

Clearly, I was aware that I was at least prone to possible obsessive-compulsive behavior and I admit that I was at least a bit concerned that I might some day fall into a serious case of 'OCD.' I determined years ago, however that I would try to curb my obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior. It was my belief that I needed to overcome my problem with ‘will power’, that I needed to just "cut it out." I started on a campaign to stop my silly thoughts, painful nail chewing and useless counting. For example, whenever I would catch myself counting my fingers I would stop myself in mid-count. Even if I had only gotten half of my fingers counted, I would force myself to stop counting and start in on some other activity that did not necessitate counting or keeping score. I modified my nail-chewing behavior in the same manner.

I can report that I have been reasonably successful. I do not count things as much as I used to. I still occasionally catch myself numbering digits, but I quickly turn my attention to singing a song or some other worthy pursuit. I have longer, normal looking fingernails that allow me to scratch my wife's back much more efficiently. I do not harbor fears any longer that I may some day start washing my hands or showering for hours on end. Although I do enjoy a good long hot shower, I only stay in for fifteen minutes at the most. My life is under my control and I live pretty happily.

Joshua Brown's experience with OCD, as recorded in Edward Dolnick's article, must have been living hell for him and his family. His love for sports and his desire to excel physically was the catalyst for a strict exercise regimen. Eventually, his love for athletics turned into a fanatical self-torture that threatened his health. Josh developed a myriad of other OCD symptoms and was finally diagnosed and received treatment.

It was interesting that the doctors that treated Josh suspected that a strep infection was the cause of his affliction. Biology, rather than the old theory of rigid parenting, is believed to be the cause of OCD today. Blows to the head, epileptic seizures or strokes can bring OCD suddenly to life. Just as suddenly, equally traumatic events can make it go away. This is demonstrated by the example of the 22-year-old man that shot himself in the head because his OCD was making his life miserable. He survived but his OCD did not.

Still, I wonder if there is not a predisposition to fall into this bizarre syndrome. Perhaps a slightly obsessive or compulsive personality type has a greater chance to develop OCD under the right biological circumstances. It also may be that a propensity towards ADD or ADHD may have an impact—as we know the Devil makes work for idle hands, and attention-deficit brains seem to need something to occupy them. Why did I develop the finger counting compulsion? I theorize that I probably started the habit as a young math student in grade school learning to add and subtract in my head with a little assistance from my fingers. Finger counting would have probably given me the added (no pun intended) security that my answers were correct. My compulsive nature then carried the habit to extremes. Perhaps if I had experienced the right type of brain trauma, I might be washing my hands till they bleed at this moment instead of writing this blog.

Whatever the cause of OCD, the best treatment for it, when a well-placed bullet to the brain is out of the question, is apparently medication followed up with behavior therapy. Fifty to eighty percent of OCD patients, depending on the studies, are responding well to Anafranil, Prozac and other medicines of the like. In Josh Brown's case, medication did not help. Josh required complete blood cleaning and behavior therapy. In the end, after much suffering from both the illness and the cure, Josh has gotten his life back to normal. I can only imagine the extreme relief for him and his family to have their nightmare behind them. However, as much as 2 percent of the public suffer from OCD—twice the number of those suffering from Alzheimer's disease. Equal numbers of men and women as young as two or three years of age experience this "hiccup of the brain." Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, for me, is a fascinating subject. But, I think I can stop thinking about it, if I really try.